Crushed once again in life only to be left emotionally drained and not knowing if it is ever coming back. I figure I should be used to this kind of hurt by now but apparently it just gets harder the more you put yourself into it. Why do I bother anymore, should I just wait until someone walks into my life and give up on searching completely? Should I just say I am going to be happy with loving myself for the next couple of years? I hate when things feel perfect and all of the sudden get thrown out of the window. Strangely I have written about your heart being thrown out of a window before and yet again just to prove that life is a circle of repeating acts it happens again. Back to the paper with my feelings becase there is nobody to listen to them come out of my mouth. Blaring music to block out the thoughts in my head because that is the only way to numb the pain at the moment, still knowing as soon as the music stops the pain will return and my life will go imediatly back to sickness.